Dear Hoops,
I have a question about women giving oral sex: what's the big deal? I'm a woman and I've noticed that other women don't do it and are shocked at those who do, while men are over the moon when they find out a girl gives head, especially if she swallows.
Again, what's the big deal?
~Confused and giving head
Dear Giving Head,
I’m not a woman, so I can’t say for sure what the big deal is or even if most women think it is a big deal. In my experience, most girls will give head if asked. Some love to do it. Some hate to do it but do anyway. The number of girls I’ve met who outright refuse to do it currently resides at zero. Then again, I’m one charming motherfucker!
I think the girls who love doing it tend to be the best at it. It’s not really rocket science, but a little enthusiasm goes a long way. The girls who hate doing it but do it anyway usually whine and complain and make it a pretty joyless experience. I think most girls fall somewhere in between though. They don’t love it, they don’t hate it, they do it and muster enough enthusiasm that it’s okay for us. The middle-ground girls are also usually tit-for-tat when it comes to oral sex too. They’ll go down on us fellas but expect reciprocation as soon as old white and gooey passes their lips.
That said, I’m not sure who you talk to that thinks it’s “shocking” that you give head to your man but I can pretty much assure you that she’s in the minority. Most girls seem to at very least understand that it’s part of doing business with a man—at least until we marry you. Hell, kids today treat blowjobs like we used to treat kissing. They have parties dedicated to the act! The fact that when I used to spin the bottle the most I got was 7 minutes in heaven (which usually meant making out and maybe a little over the shirt boobie grabbing) dates me as an old-timer.
Simply put, my advice to you is to find some friends who aren’t currently living in a convent or with the Amish. I don’t want to say it’s no big deal, but it’s no big deal. Maybe your friends are all married and they just don’t care anymore. They also probably wonder why their husbands never touch them anymore. These women are a bad influence on you and will only try to drag you into misery with them. Find someone new to discuss your sex life with!
As for men, of course we’re over the moon if you enjoy doing it! Like I said earlier, the girls who actually enjoy doing it usually do it the best. Any guy that’s been in a relationship where he had to beg for it or the woman used as a bartering tool will LOVE to be in a relationship with a girl who is happy to do it for him. I think I can speak for most (not all) men when I say that if a girl goes out of her way to please me and really seems to enjoy pleasing me, I find that attitude contagious and want to do the same for her. It makes for a very healthy sex life.
Finally, the whole swallowing thing may be different for different guys and to be honest, I think most don’t even know why they love it so much, but if you think about it for a second, what he’s shooting into your mouth is HIM. It’s his genetic code. It’s his very essence. It’s his seed. It’s highly personal. So, how do you suppose it makes him feel to see that spit out by the girl he’s with? I think most guys probably feel it as a kind of rejection even if they don’t really equate it to such.
Conversely, when you swallow it, you are accepting him. When you’re eager to do so, you’re excitedly accepting him, wanting him. He looks at it, subconsciously, as an approval of the highest magnitude.
While I think more girls give head than don’t, I do not think that most girls swallow, so once again, you’re ahead of the curve on this one. I don’t think the guy will reason it out that way, but I do think he’s more likely to enjoy it if you do drink the big gulp.
At the end of the day, what you do with your partner is between you. It doesn’t matter what others may think. Healthy sex is about mutual pleasure but there shouldn’t be a scoreboard or an I go--you go attitude. Do what comes natural and don’t feel pressured to do—or not do something based on what everyone else is doing. Sex is supposed to be fun, so do what makes you happy. Also, can I have your phone number?
Bottoms up!
-hoops
