Marijuana, Condoms and Cum, Oh My!

Dear Hoops,

I actually have two questions for you, Hoops. Both come with a little backstory. 

The first, I believe is the least important of the two. My boyfriend has picked up this weird habit. We've used condoms for our entire relationship and they have not failed us. No babies! (Yay!) However, just recently he has stopped finishing in me (always with protection!) whereas he had ever had any issues with it before. I wondered if you could give me some insight on why a guy would do this. The only thing I could figure is that something triggered his baby paranoia and just wants to make absolutely sure there's no pregnancy (and I'm all about that). What he has taken to do is pulling out and finishing himself. I'd like to tell him that he doesn't have to do that...that I could give him other options. I know guys have a fondness for cumming on things. Haha. I'm not sure how to bring that up though. 



The second question...is a little more complicated. I do not take drugs, I do not smoke drugs...I do not enjoy being around drugs. They could cost people their jobs, their freedom...and even their families. I have seen this happen. That being said, my boyfriend USED to be the same way...growing up until about two months ago. Two months ago he started spending a lot more time with his brother and his brother found some sort of *legal weed* and subsequently started using it regularly.

His brother has also started delving into much harder drugs. My concern is that my boyfriend will follow this same path and I will end up having to leave him. One of the reasons I'm with him was because he did not do drugs. Marijuana doesn't bother me to the extent that I can't deal with it...I just refuse to. I've seen what it can do to people if they start using it everyday.

He was honest about it when it first got the stuff and I expressed my concerns then, but I think it's time to put it out their a little more seriously...without giving him an ultimatum right now. Ultimatums don't work anyway. He has taken to hiding it from me but I know he is still doing it because he keeps it in one of the night stand drawers and it will disappear for a bit and then he will put it back. I don't go through his things…that's just the drawer I keep my books in when I read before I go to sleep. (Just wanted to make that clear...I'm not being a crazy girlfriend. haha) Could you give me some advice on this? 

I'm not sure I really put questions in there, and I don't believe the last one counts! 



Sincerely,

Likes my Eggs Unfertilized

Dear Eggs,

It occurs to me that the answer to both of your questions is a simple one and the same for each.  Talk to him.  At the end of the day though, that’s my advice for everything, isn’t it?  So, I suppose you want something a little more in-depth?  Okay, fine.  I was really hoping to enjoy a nice Casmir Pulaski Day on the couch relaxing, but if you must press me into service, then serve I shall!

There could be a number of reasons why your boy is finishing outside the old vag and if condoms have always been successful, then I doubt that’s the reason—unless he’s worried you might poke holes or otherwise sabotage things in an effort to get his swimmers in your Fallopian tubes (I’m sorry, but fallopian is just one of my favorite words.  Say it out loud.  Fallopian!  It’s fun to say isn’t it?  We just don’t use the word Fallopian enough for my liking!). 

Where was I?  Oh.  Yes.  Condoms and cumming.  So:  You’re getting plowed either way, but with the condoms on he could be experiencing decreased sensitivity and because of that he might not be “getting there” inside you.  He may be finishing outside you because with his hand he’s able to cause more friction, finally getting himself on the quick train home.  Anyway, THAT would be my number one guess.  I’d be surprised if it had anything to do with babies, unless he has a friend who wound up with a broken condom baby.

Now, as for the other options that exist for him coming to climax outside of the bat cave, I think that sounds like a great idea—especially if it does come down to a sensitivity issue for him.  My advice to you is to take charge!  When he pulls out and starts jackhammering himself, GRAB THAT COCK!!  Say, “MINE!”  Then you do your voodoo that you do on his hee-hoo!  And when it comes to where he actually sends the seed…well, if you’ve got a hold of the hose, you get to aim it don’t you?  So take one in the face!  Or, take one on the boobs!  Pick the spot where YOU want to be painted and let it rip!  You’ll see if he likes that or not.  You’ll probably get to talk about it too because what better time to talk about whether or not he likes cumming on you than when his sticky white seed is dripping from your eyelashes, right?

Either way, the best way to handle all of this is to talk about it.  If you do it post-coitus after you’ve taken my advice, I think his guard will be down and he’ll be open to discussing everything.  Maybe a new brand of condom will help?  Maybe he needs to jerk it because where he really wants to cum in on your ass?  You’ll never know unless you ask him!

As for the next issue, my first piece of advice is that you not talk about both problems with him at the same time, like you did with me.  It’s okay to ask me about both issues, but you can’t talk to a guy about two issues you have at once or he’ll feel like you have a whole checklist of things about him you need to fix and he’ll obviously take offense to that.

This one definitely requires a conversation though.  I think you should lay it out for him the same way you did for me.  Tell him that you’re not a fan of drugs, even the herb.  Tell him that even though you’re not a fan of it that you understand if he wants to smoke a little Mary Jane, BUT that if it’s something he feels the need to hide from you—then THAT is a problem.  Tell him that if he’s just smoking up casually and not too often it really shouldn’t be something he feels a need to hide.  The only way he should feel like he needs to hide it from you is if he’s doing it too much and if that’s the case then he has a problem.

You’re right about drugs ruining lives.  Even marijuana ruins lives if it becomes an addiction.  If he is lying to you about his usage or hiding it from you, it’s the first step down a steep and slippery slope.  Be careful.  Protect yourself and your heart and if he chooses the drugs over you, then you don’t owe him anything—especially sticking around.  And not for nothing—prolonged use of marijuana has sexual side effects, including decreased sensitivity and difficulty climaxing for some men.

When you enter into a relationship with someone the first stage is the puppy love stage.  When you get past that, you get into the deeper get-to-know-you-stage.  Once you’ve passed through that into the comfort zone you have a pretty good idea of who you’re with and you continue dating them because you like the person you got to know.  However, at this point, if your siggy other makes some kind of huge change in their life you really have to reassess that person.  You can’t just keep accepting things you don’t approve of on a core level. 

The policy of appeasement didn’t work out well for Europe when Hitler was in his formative super-villain and it won’t work for you either.  When your previously drug-free boyfriend all-of-the-sudden takes up pot smoking as a hobby that’s a red light.  When he starts spending more time with his hard-drug-using brother that’s an alarm siren going off.  This is a time when you need to step back.  This is a new person.  This is not the person you fell in love with.  This is a new guy.

Your first priority is to YOURSELF.  Habitual drug use leads to bigger problems and you’ll be right in the middle of them.  If he chooses drugs over you, then you walk away.  This doesn’t mean you have to walk away completely.  You can stay by his side and try to help him through as a friend, but you do not put all your eggs in the basket of an addict.  Some people don’t ever come back from addiction.  You don’t have to stop loving him.  You have to stop being in love with him until he proves, once again, to be the kind of man who you fell in love with in the first place.

[Aside:  Before any of you herb heads tell me that marijuana isn’t addictive, do your homework.  Addiction doesn’t always depend on the substance being chemically addictive.  There are people who are addicted to caffeine, exercising, eating—it can be a psychological issue that has nothing to do with the substance itself.]

At the end of the day, it sounds like this is pretty early on right now in your case.  No need to jump ship just yet.  There IS a need to sit his ass down and talk to him though.  You’ve told him that you don’t mind him smoking up a bit.  If he’s doing it so much that he needs to hide it from you then that’s an issue.  That means he’s doing it more than he knows you’d be okay with and that is the same as lying about it.  Address it now.  Get it fixed.  Right now is your opportunity to save your relationship.  A week from now, a month from now, it might be too late because if he starts doing the harder stuff, like his brother, then you need to get your ass out of there and find a new man to cum on you! (by the way, I’m drug free!)

Good luck with both issues!  Stop by and let me know how they go!

-hoops